Special FeatureJoanna ValenteSantino DallaVecchia, poetry, Brian Spears

Santino DallaVecchia: Gender

Special FeatureJoanna ValenteSantino DallaVecchia, poetry, Brian Spears
Santino DallaVecchia: Gender
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gender

 

when the boy acquiesces to being called // the boy who will be called man // who will lose his hair to male pattern baldness // a lonely inheritance from his grandfather // who will wear a beard to cover the long jawline he didn’t want // i hope my face stays this way // he’d said at eleven // pretty // not understanding what he wanted // not realizing that bone can’t move like clay // too late now to fight this jaw // he pricks his thumb // lets a little blood into the muddy hard // feels the phantasmagoria around him get quieter // and quieter //  wonders what he’s losing // notice how quickly the æ has been abandoned // wonders why jezrahel’s suddenly gone silent // why he can hear the winter ocean slipping sand and ice into its mouth // while he kneels in the mud-world // midwestern spring

childhoods

 

  // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // //

  

when the priest // cues the deacon // says // let us bow our heads and pray for god’s blessing // the boy thinks // a blessing would’ve never been being born // in the first place

 

// // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // //

 

the girl’s mouth aches from drinking the chocolate river // her older sister smirks at her // you know // she says // the canker sores from all that sugar // and the girl shrugs // looking to be ignored in her excess // sure // what about them // a shadow passes over the sun // the cicadas fall silent // well // i don’t know where i’m going with this exactly // but someday // you never know when // could be tomorrow // could be when you’re a hundred and three // you’ll die

 

// // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // //

 

thus do the boy and the girl learn the name of dread

 

// // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // // //

 

decades later // in the small town flower-shop // with more lawn ornaments than flowers // more trinkets than buds // they stare into a koi pond // see the biggest fish blink at them // the boy squeezes the girl’s hand // they aren’t together together yet // but no-one else is around // so she squeezes back // as the fish turns into bones // bobbing at the surface // its eyes still staring // a silent reproach against the boy // against the girl // for living

 

Santino DallaVecchia is a queer poet from Michigan and graduated with an MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts.

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